I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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