i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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