I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
