We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
