I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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