I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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