where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
