We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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