I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
