My liver just broke up with me...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
