very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
