My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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