i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
