just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
