I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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