nut hugger
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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