just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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