Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
