Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
