Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
