My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
