just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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