the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
