I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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