Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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