White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
