i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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