I wish I only lived at night.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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