They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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