If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
