The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I'm really busy with my period
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