You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
