I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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