Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
