he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize