She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
