so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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