My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
