Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
