Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
