my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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