you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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