Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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