So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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