dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
