I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
