yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
