I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
