so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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