thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
