That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
