Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
