Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
