I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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