Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize