at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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