Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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