Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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