hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
