that's an acceptable place to lick
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
