found the other keg... it's in the tree
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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