i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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