I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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