hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Im part way to drunk.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
