what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
