Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize