My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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