What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
