at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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