He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
