He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize