I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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