A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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