we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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