cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
